Seven Deadly Sins
by Canthre
Summary: *written for Saint Seiya SeSa 2014* Shaina reflects on her life and finds out that she might have been acquaintanced with more than just one sin...


A/N Written for Saint Seiya Secret Santa 2014. It was to fun to play around with Shaina!

Disclaimer Saint Seiya is among many things I do not own. Sad. So very sad. *_sigh_*

* * *

**Seven Deadly Sins**

Shaina wasn't quite sure when she heard about those supposed sins; maybe her mother, or father, talked about them back home; maybe it was one of her fellow trainees during their long nighttime talks. Many of those girls prayed to their God – not Athena, a different God – and held rosaries and crosses and other symbols of their religion, but Shaina knew she came from Italy so it was possible her family prayed to this very same God, too. She wasn't sure; she couldn't remember a thing about her family.

She wasn't sure why the idea of sins scared her so much. Was it because they seemed to cover every pleasant thing in life? _But Saints know no pleasure, only service. _Was it because they loomed above humanity like a deadly sword? _But Saints know no fear, only sacrifice. _Was it because they accompanied her through her life? _I am not a perfect Saint. _

Shaina knew fear like her own hands and feet. Fear pressed on her soul like her Cloth pressed on her body. It never left her. When she was still – young – well, _younger _– Shaina saw herself as an almighty warrior, a true protector of Athena, unmoved by earthly matters. She was above those trivial things in her dreams. _I am not in reality. _

That was true; she wasn't above anything. As things spiraled around her into dust and then into glory she found herself the very incarnation of sins.

* * *

Air is thick and heavy, with hints of upcoming storm. Shaina can already feel the water pouring down her back; she wishes it'll come soon. Long hours of training left her with skin covered in sweat and stinky clothes. Any type of shower was welcome.

"Hey, Shaina!" a shout comes from sides of the arena, and soon Layla trots into her view. "Still training those forms, huh?" Shaina just smiles under her mask, and waves her hand dismissively; she knows her friend's reluctance in fight.

"Marin and the others have left for shower already. Won't you come with us?" Layla continues.

"Hmph. Marin should train harder if she wants to become a Silver Saint," Shaina says. "I'm not leaving before I master this set." As if for confirmation she bends down and makes a series of flips so graceful that a sigh escapes Layla.

"Your forms are already great, Shaina," she can feel the other girls eyes on her. "I'm just… worried you'll overdo yourself one day."

"Sure I won't," Shaina mutters. Her body says otherwise, but she collects what strength she has left and stands up. "I'll be okay, Layla. Go with the rest of the girls, I'll join you soon. Don't eat everything!" she adds jokingly.

Layla nods and heads towards their barracks. Just a few steps from the entrance she turns back to Shaina once again and says, "I'm sure you'll be the best Saint ever, Shaina!"

Pride fills the other girl for a moment before fading into nothingness. When Layla is out of sight her shoulders drop and a sigh escapes her. Shaina loves training – she loves her dreams. She's not so sure about reality. It's as if a curtain divided her and other girls – and a vicious voice inside her head told her that's because she's _better _than them, but…

First roars of storm roll above the field.

* * *

This probably was the first time she acknowledged that something was _wrong _with her, that she couldn't interact with other trainees like them. People looked at her and saw strength, Shaina knew that. Inside she felt weak.

_Why can't I be as good as Marin? Or Iron Hand? _she mused grumpily from time to time. Many other girls looked up to her with awe, but never with kindness.

Shaina told herself that she preferred it this way.

Master Iron Hand is strict and requiring, but Shaina likes that about her. Be it heat or frost, she demands the best from her charges. Shaina is willing to give her best.

"Higher! Higher with your hands, Layla, I told you that already!" Iron Hand's yells fill the arena. Sometimes Shaina wonders how this woman manages to keep her voice so brisk with so much shouting.

"Yes, yes, you too Mira! I know you're slacking!" Iron Hand approaches two dueling trainees and corrects their stances. They murmur something apologetically and continue their fight; Shaina recognizes one of them as Layla, the weakest of their group and for a moment feels for the girl. Iron Hand won't move unless Layla manages to make some coherent strike at her opponent.

Hit, dodge, jump, strike. Flip backwards, strike on the uncovered belly. This is how Shaina would do this; this is how the other girl does. Layla falls on her back screaming. Iron Hand's pose express so much displeasure that the poor girl barely suppresses tears, and Shaina already moves to them to propose-

"Teacher, I'd like to show Layla other moves," a calm voice interrupts the scene. _Marin. _"I think she's too small and light to perform the standard ones." Certainty in her voice makes her appear older, wiser, and it seems Iron Hand falls for this special charm, too. She nods her head with approval, and leaves.

Shaina stands there with a clenched throat, unable to move. She knows that there's nothing to be angry about, that Marin is just better and managing the group. She cares for the younglings and talks with the older girls like an equal. Shaina just… trains.

* * *

Shaina was never truly jealous of Marin, not really. She just… wanted to be accepted the same way. Damn, why couldn't she help her friends – because Layla _was _her friend, as she later realized – like she could perfect her own body?

_I was never good with talking to other girls, _she thought in the night while staring at the ceiling above her. _They just shoot strange glances at me, and I was losing my ground. _

That was why she started talking with guys – she felt so relaxed around them.

Training with male trainees is far more brutal. Shaina feels she doesn't need to stop herself any longer. She was granted the Silver Ophiuchus Cloth just a week ago, but she is already feeling like a seasoned Saint. Well, her boys – she came to calling them like that – definitely think so, looking up to her as if she is the Pope himself.

Shaina watches them train – she does it every day – and corrects their stances, measures their strengths and possibilities.

_Most are crap, nothing more than fodder, _she thinks to herself. _But some… some are quite promising. _

There's the little runt Marin took under her wings, a Japanese boy with big brown eyes and wide smile. Something stirs inside Shaina when she watches him; he's so warm and nice and full of life that she's somehow drawn towards him. He already saw her vulnerable – _lonely, _something in her mind whispers – and extended his hand towards her. Shaina swallows, and turns back to her group of apprentices. They are like her, strong and unyielding. She frowns, but… yes, she is unyielding. Unrelenting. Invincible. This is how she has to be. This what she wants to be.

_They why do you envy Marin and the boy laughing together from time to time? _some traitorous part whispers in her mind. _Why don't you try talking with your boys? _

_They need no heart-warming talks. They are like rocks in the river, like me, _Shaina answers angrily.

"Miss Shaina!" a shout startles her, but her mask hides everything well.

Cassios, her favorite student, runs up to her. He's tall and powerfully built, towering over her. Still, Shaina knows he feels as if she was standing atop of a mountain, like a goddess. She bathes in his admiration.

_And in this genuine smile. He likes you and you like him, even if you're afraid to reach out, _again whispers fill her mind. Shaina squashes them immediately. Cassios doesn't need her feelings, only her guidance.

"Miss Shaina, what do you think about this? Thousand pushups in five minutes, eh!" she nods her head at him with approval, just like master Iron Hand would.

"Nice, Cassios, very nice."

* * *

That was probably when she started falling into darkness. When she separated herself from her former friends, surrounded herself with sycophants. Sure, Cassios was with her, Cassios who would never betray her, but Shaina knew there's a chasm between them. It wasn't pride that drove her, not really. It was more as if… as if she was trying to escape things she didn't like.

_Well, kicking was always easier than fighting with your weaknesses, _she thought darkly, brushing her hair. Shaina sat against a mirror, her mask discarded somewhere at the table behind her. Her face was pale, eyes dark, and for a moment she wondered if she was pretty or not.

_Seiya once told me that I am, _she mused. But Seiya had a kind heart, one that made her ache for his attention so desperately. Suddenly, Shaina felt tired, leaving the brush aside. Was there really any sense in going to them tonight?

* * *

"Hmph."

Shaina watches two figures fighting at the arena below her. She sits in the shadow of a lonely olive tree, having left Cassios behind to exercise. Sun reaches its highest point, and Shaina is grateful for the little shadow the tree can provide.

The boy feigns an attack from the left before trying to kick his opponent, but is easily blocked. He jumps back then, trying to keep up his own defense, but the older warrior manages to knock him off. The boy falls with a loud 'thud', but gets up immediately, laughing. His opponent smiles and ruffles the boy's hair. Shaina knows both of them and their antics.

Seiya is getting better with each day, Shaina has to admit that. He's still small, especially compared to tall figure of Aiolia, but she can see signs of adulthood on him. He gets wonderfully with Aiolia; they almost look like brothers.

_One outsider and one traitor, how matching, _she thinks. _And another outsider with them, _she adds seeing Marin coming up to both males.

As of late Shaina dedicates herself to building the strongest, most loyal, group of warriors in all the history of Sanctuary. She knows she can do it – she dedicated all her life to get better after all, sacrificed almost everything to best everyone. In the back of her mind she feels as if she was missing something vital. She looks up at Lady Athena's powerful statue every night and wonders what's wrong with her… But those thoughts belong to the nighttime, and not bright day, and she shakes them away.

Marin passes her companions some Japanese fighting sticks, and they proceed another type of fight now. Shaina stands up at this; it's time she checked back at Cassios.

_Surely he must be doing better than Seiya, _she muses watching the boy getting knocked down again. Still… she can't help but stare at Seiya's tanned skin, glistening with sweat in the sun and swallows hard.

She remembers Cassios and quickly walks away, her head light and her heart heavy.

* * *

She didn't want to go.

Everything was ready – she had done her hair already, scrubbed herself clean and added all those sticky balms Pisces Aphrodite had given her… And Shaina didn't want to go.

Evening fell quick, and she could already see first stars if she wanted to. Lately they seemed to be her best companions.

_At least they never leave me, _Shaina thought and winced. She was being selfish again.

_Nobody ever left me, _she admits truthfully. _I just never really tried._

* * *

She does try, actually.

Shaina doesn't exactly remember what happened at that meadow in Japan. Her memories are a haphazard mixture of flashing lights, fresh scent of soap and pain. So much _pain. _

First thing she registers is that she's being carried. Well, at the beginning she thought she might be on a ship… but no, warmth of a body beside her told her otherwise. Her Cosmo also tells her who is carrying her.

"Sleep, Shaina," a deep baritone tells her. "We're almost back at Sanctuary." She sleeps then.

She wakes up at her own house and sits up so abruptly her head spins. Blood pumps so loud in her ears she misses Aiolia until he approaches her bed.

"Careful," he smiles down at her. "Or you'll fall and break some more bones."

"Wha-," her throat is so dry it's almost choking her. Aiolia hands her a glass of water before turning back. Shaina blinks and realizes her mask is back. She takes it off and drinks, trying not to be touched by Aiolia's obvious care. He got extra blankets from somewhere and tended to her wounds when she was out, yet he didn't remove her mask.

"What happened? I remember Seiya…" her voice almost betrays her again, but Shaina braces herself. "I remember you fighting."

Aiolia hesitates a little, but answers, "You… threw yourself in front of Seiya. And, yeah… we fought. But Seiya's alright, Shaina, so don't worry."

"Thank you," she says quietly. He smiles again.

"It's nothing. Would like something to eat?" Shaina shakes her head at this. She feels tired, but she needs to ask.

"Did I… did I say anything to Seiya?"

Aiolia's eyes grow warmer. He nods. "You told him you love him," he says simply. She lays down and sighs.

Shaina watches Aiolia as he searched for candles, placing them on her nightstand; he looks around her small hut, distracted look in his eyes. She wonders if she's thinking about Marin right now. His face – his expression and posture – reminds her so much of Seiya it hurts.

"Don't leave," she blurts out. Aiolia knees beside her.

"I can get Cassios if you want it," he starts, but she cuts him off and grabs his shirt.

"Don't leave," Shaina whispers again. She can see his confused expression in the dim light but doesn't really care. Heat spreads through her body like a fever released after so much time of confinement.

She reaches out and delicately touches his shoulders, then his chest, then strokes his cheek. Aiolia kneels there, unmoving, with a strange look in his eyes. Shaina is almost afraid it's pity, but this can't really stop her.

Pain does.

"I'll get Cassios to look after you tonight, Shaina," Aiolia whispers.

He leaves her and heat changes to cold.

* * *

No, she couldn't bear to think about that again. And she couldn't bear to think about Cassios, either. He was there for her the entire time Shaina was recovering, always patient and caring. What had she given to him?

_Death. _

Shaina sighed and stood up.

* * *

Tethys is good and fights like a wild cat, not a mermaid. Shaina almost has troubles with avoiding her strikes, but her opponent's defense is low. Tethys allows anger to guide her, and Shaina long ago discovered that he is not the best guide.

"My, is it the best you've got, Mermaid?" she taunts the blonde, when they separate after a series of fast blows. "You fight like a fish taken from water!"

Tethys growls at her. "What can you know, _Saint. _Can you even see through that pathetic mask?" Shaina smiles behind it.

"That's something you'll never know, Tethys," she says and charges forward.

Strike, dodge, hit, jump left and kick. _Just like training with Iron Hand, _Shaina thinks. And many of our girls were much better than she is. Strange pride fills her and for the first time in forever Shaina truly feels like Athena's Saint. Like she's worthy of that title. She crouches, something telling her Tethys won't expect that, and attacks the Marine with all her strength. Tethys screams as she falls and hits her head against rocks. Her body lays still but Shaina has no time to check if she's alright or not.

Suddenly she feels enormous Cosmo emanating from the main Temple. _Poseidon, _she realizes immediately. _I need to find Athena and Seiya. _

Running as fast as she can she wonders when exactly has she accepted she may never gain a place in Seiya's life. Or when she decided she doesn't really care any longer.

_Maybe the same time you stood over Cassios and saw how much life has given you and you haven't realized, _soft voice whispers inside her head. It sounds suspiciously like Lady Athena. _Maybe the same time you understood you still can repair old bonds and starts new ones. _

Shaina smiles and readies herself for what has to be done.

* * *

Athena's Temple was basked in vivid light, just like the goddess herself ordered. Shaina could already hear music and laughter coming out of it.

_Oh, stop standing here like a little child, _she scolded herself. _You can do it!_

She had to do it. Shaina knew that if she went inside tonight… she might just release herself from those cold clutches that held her for so many years.

"Shaina!"

* * *

"We did it!" she hears someone exclaim.

_They did it, _Shaina thinks bemusedly. Seiya and the others once again rose over every obstacle on their path and saved Athena. Saved the world.

Shaina closes her eyes, relishing the sunlight on her skin. It is going to be alright from now, she knows it. With Hades defeated nobody should threaten the Earth for a long time.

A new day has come.

* * *

"Shaina!"

At first she couldn't recognize the person coming up to her. Amazons walking around without their mask was a bizarre – and revolutionary – idea that still amused her. Yet the voice was so familiar… Shaina smiled.

"Layla," she said. "It's so good to see you."

The other girl, with sparkling grey eyes and huge smile, catches Shaina's hand in her own and leads them into the Temple.

"You're late, Shaina. I was almost worried you're not coming," Layla said, pouting.

"Nah," Shaina felt strangely light. A sense of rightness filled her. "I could never pass an occasion to see everyone making fool out of themselves."

Her friend frowned at this. "Oh, so we still have masked Shaina here?"

Shaina hesitated at that, and they stood silent for a while, just in front of great doors. Muffled voices and laughter were coming through to them, and Shaina knew that here it was. Her choice.

"I…" she started, and with Layla's encouraging gaze she continued. "I think I wanted to much. I always wanted to be the best, and I felt that I can be like this only when people _think_ I'm the best. I must have missed something important on the way."

"You were afraid," Layla stated simply.

"Yes," Shaina whispered. "I was afraid that people will leave me if I'm not the champion. Now I know I had to listen to them… If I did I'd have known that there were…" a sob almost escaped her, but she inhaled sharply, leaning against the doorway.

A gentle touch startled her. Without words Layla embraced her and Shaina breathed in relief.

"I've never talked about this before, you know," Shaina admitted. Layla's hug tightened. "Instead… I wanted to appear invincible, but inside I was falling apart."

"Seiya… He came to me yesterday," Shaina continued. "Asked me for an evening out, but I… I declined. I like him," she swallowed hard at this admission. "And I know he kind of likes me too – oh, hell, he likes everyone! – but it's different."

"Maybe he wants to know you," Layla suggested. Shrugging, Shaina continued. "Well… maybe. But I just think he simply thinks it'd cheer me up and he likes cheering people up."

"I think I'm getting over it," she exclaimed in the end. And she felt she meant it.

Layla squeezed her shoulders and released her.

"Shaina, know that you're not weak. Falling down and getting up like you is a true strength," Layla said gravely. Suddenly a mischievous grin appeared on her face, and she opened the door. Sounds of party washed over Shaina, and she was finally ready to get in.

"You know, Shaina… There's someone in here who would really love to talk with you more."

Shaina was greeted with warm chocolate eyes and a smile that made her knees weak. She was over her old life, why not start a new one?

In the end, all went well.

**THE END**


End file.
